(原詩)

Inflate you waistcoat, wind down your eyes
Tie on your best smile, check your disguise
Dryclean your old jokes, practise despair
Hide your relations under the stairs
You're invited to attend the turkey party convention;
Isn't that nice?

(interlude)

You can leave your troubles at the door
We have ways to make you cheer
As long as you're not sick or poor
A negro or a queer

We can fit you with a suit of clothes
That will make you look like us
An appointments book and a new outlook
A ladder or a truss
Have another cup of reality
Drink and drink some more!
You can own a boat, a house, a car
Or live like Howard Hughes;
Come on what have you got to lose...

And if you're discreet there are pleasures sweet
You can even swap your wife
If you only sign the dotted une
You'll be fine... Oh so fine...

(interlude)

Thank you for joining here are your pills
The man in the white coat will send you the bill
Would you like to meet
Our most distinguished member... a doctor Faustus by name!

(interlude)

Is my face on straight?
Is my face on straight?
Will they laugh at the gate
Oh I mustn't be late
Is my face on straight?
Is my face on straight?
Will they let me through the gate
Oh I mustn't be late
Is my face on straight... Is my face on straight...